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I always longed for a home filled with love and respect, however being raised in a patriarchy culture was an hindrance to see my dream come true. Growing from a patriarchal marriage to a Biblical marriage has been a journey that I want to share with you on this post.
In a patriachal relationship, women are taught to submit to their husbands and men are taught to be the heads of their homes as prescribed by Scripture. “Wives, be subject to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior” (Eph. 5:22-23). In my own experience and observation, this mindset is abused more often than not. I have witnessed countless scenarios in which men have to have the last word, and women who do not obey their husbands are often looked upon as being rebellious with a “Jezebel spirit.” Often men take advantage of teaching on hierarchy.
In Christian circles, patriarchy couples learned that a wife should obey her husband even if she feels that God is leading her in a way opposite to her husband’s command. Some interpret the scriptures as saying that a woman must ignore her ‘feelings’ about the will of God, and do what her husband says. She is to obey her husband as if he was God Himself.
Patriachal marriages have led to many abusive relationships. Often, wives are subjected to domineering men who have mismanaged the idea of being head of the family. Being intimidating is an ineffective strategy that can lead to stress, debate, and trouble in the relationship. When seeking counseling, wives are told to try harder, to be more submissive, more caring, and more respectful. This is a good advice when there is reciprocity in the marriage. Otherwise, if repairs are not made, the marriage will soon become worse.
My husband and I marriage became destructive because of our patriarchal culture. I was desperate; I wanted to experience what God intended for us. After several years of praying, reading my Bible, and crying out to God, a year ago, I found the freedom for which I had been longing and I am eager to share in my next post.
Dear friend, God created marriage to be a platform He can use to demonstrate His character. God wants to use your marriage to teach the world about His love, grace, and forgiveness. Unbelievers are supposed to see in believers’ marriages as a model of the relationship between Jesus and His Church. If you are ready this post and are struggling in your marriage, I want to encourage you to diligently seek God for healing and restoration. He is the same yesterday, today and forever. He wants to do for you what he did for me.
 All Scripture quotations, unless otherwise noted, are from the Revised Standard Version.
 Clark Solomon, “Head of Household,” Mybrotha, June 17, 2007, accessed March 2016. http://www.mybrotha.com/head-of-the-house.asp.
 Leslie Vernick. The Emotionally Destructive Marriage: How to Find Your Voice and Reclaim Your Hope (Colorado Springs, Colorado: Water Brook) 91, Kindle.
Step to Freedom
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I am on a journey of my own, learning how to forgive. My past was marked with several traumas, as a result, I was angry, bitter, and resentful. I struggled to forgive those who offended me. June 2016, the Holy Spirit spoke to me in a dream, I needed to forgive if I wanted to continue to be used by Him.
Unforgiveness is very destructive. It affects our:
- Physical, mental, and emotional well being. Unforgiveness is classified in medical books as a disease. According to Dr. Steven Standiford, chief of surgery at the Cancer Treatment Centers of America, refusing to forgive makes people sick and keeps them that way. With that in mind, forgiveness therapy is now being used to help treat diseases, such as cancer.
- Spiritual maturity. God will not forgive us if we don’t forgive others. But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins. Matthew 6:15.
What is forgiveness?
Forgiveness is letting go the past. We know we are forgiven when the resentment, the desire for vengeance is gone.
In the book of Genesis, the Bible gives us an example of forgiveness. Joseph was more loved by his father than his brothers. He bragged about his coat of multi colored and his dreams. His brothers became jealous and sold him into slavery to Egypt where he ended up in prison for false accusation. Instead he trusted God who made him prosperous. Later, the famine sent his brothers to Egypt. Joseph, now the prime minister of Egypt, could have seek revenge but instead he told them:
“Don’t be afraid. Am I in the place of God? You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives”. Genesis 50: 19-20
Forgiveness is a process and sometimes it takes times and it’s possible with the help of the Holy Spirit. Jesus said: “I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Helper, to be with you forever”. John 14:16. The Holy Spirit is here to help us experience freedom from hurt.
Although I chose to forgive, I struggled with the memories. I needed healing from memories. Initially, I understood healing from the memories to mean that one day, those memories would be gone, and I would think about them no longer. Then the Holy Spirit gave me a picture that changed my understanding. A few years ago, I had surgery. Immediately after the surgery, the wound was very painful and needed dressing sometimes several times a day. Then, the wound healed. I still have scars, but I don’t feel any pain. The scars are just there to remind me that I had surgery. It has been so long that sometimes, I don’t even remember when I had surgery. With the trauma in my life, I have been wounded. Forgiveness healed those wounds; the pain is gone. I have scars, and those scars are always going to be there; they are part of my story. When I look at my scars, I am reminded of the One who was wounded and scarred so I could be saved. His life still speaks today because of His scars. My life will be my legacy. My scars have uniquely allowed me to write this blog, and because of them I can speak into the lives of many who have gone through difficult times.
Dear friend, we all get hurt. It has been said that unforgiveness is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. It could be that you have been able to forgive the one who hurt you, or maybe you are struggling. I understand what you are going through, and I want to create a platform where you will have the freedom to share your story and receive the love and help that comes from other believers who have shared similar struggles.
I also want to invite you to begin the journey of freedom by praying this prayer:
Father, I give you the relationship between me and (insert the name) and I ask you to help me to forgive (insert the name) and to heal that relationship. In Jesus name. Amen.
How I met Jesus
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My upbringing was very religious. I attended a Protestant church in Yaounde, Cameroon. I was baptized at the age of 2 and confirmed when I was 14. I sang in the choir. However, church was a social club. I enjoyed the fellowship with my friends, but I never read the Bible or spent time in prayer. Whatever I learned in church had no impact on my life. I never understood the concept of a relationship with Jesus. After high school, I went to medical school in France. While I was in France, I attended a Pentecostal student organization but was not ready to surrender my life to Christ.
In 1992, I married my high school sweetheart. We came to the USA (Huntsville, Alabama) on our honeymoon and fell in love with it. We went back to France, packed, and moved to the states. Our goal was to finish our education, find a job, and make money. Eleven years into our time in the states, not only we were far from our goal, but we were deep in debt. I was stressed and broken, and I started wondering about my purpose.
On a Saturday afternoon, I had taken my children to piano lessons and met a lady who later became a friend. She invited me to church (First Assembly of God, Lansing, Michigan). My family and I immediately felt loved and accepted, and we decided to attend on a regular basis. One Sunday, I left the church knowing that something had happened inside of me. In my brokenness, in 2003, I came to receive Christ as my Lord and Savior.
The Bible says is Romans 10:13: Whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
Salvation changed me. I found myself in love with the Word of God to the point that I brought my Bible to work to read in between taking care of patients. I began reading the Bible daily, and prayer filled my heart with the love, joy, and peace that I had been longing for. The Holy Spirit had opened my eyes to my purpose in life. Shortly after salvation, I was baptized in the Holy Spirit. The baptism in the Holy Spirit gave me a deeper love for Jesus and the lost.
It could be that, like me, you have been to church most of your life, but you feel broken and empty. You are hopeless and wondering about your purpose. I have a great news for you! Many people have asked the same questions. God told Jeremiah: “For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.”
God has a plan for your life. He created you for a reason.
God’s plan for your life begins with a relationship with Jesus Christ.
John 1:12: “But to all who believed him and accepted him, he gave the right to become children of God.”
As a Father, God will lead and guide you into whatever He has for you, because He loves you.
Dear friend, If you took the time to read this, it might be that you are seeking for answers to the deepest questions of your heart: “Why am I here? What is the meaning of my life? Am I valuable?” I’d love to visit with you and help you to find the peace and love that someone helped me to find so many years ago. Whatever your story, I look forward to hearing from you!
I called on Jesus several years ago and he changed me, he gave a new purpose. Through this blog, I want to share with you what God has done in my life and inspire to become a leader after his own heart,
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“I knew you before I formed you in your mother’s womb. Before you were born I set you apart and appointed you as my prophet to the nations.”
One of the fun part about being a mother is telling my children the story of their birth. Year after year, they want to know: how was the weather on the day they were born, at what time did I get to the hospital, what time was they born. Growing up, I often wondered why I was born in Metet, Cameroon (a small town 50 miles away from Yaounde) when all my siblings were born in Yaounde, Cameroon. Mystery was solved few years ago, at a Cameroon meeting association.
In Yaounde which is the capital of Cameroon in Africa, there was only one hospital. The year I was born, babies born from that hospital were dying few hours after birth. A team of health care professionals came from the USA to Metet. When my mother went into labor; my father drove her to the missionary hospital and my life was saved.
God told Jeremiah: I knew you before I formed you in your mother’s womb. Before you were born I set you apart and appointed you as my prophet to the nations. Jeremiah 1:5. Like Jeremiah, God knew me when I was in my mother wound and at the right time, he brought the missionary team to save my life. Then God reminded Jeremiah: For I know the plans I have for you,” says the LORD. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope: Jeremiah 29:11. God didn’t just save my life, He had purpose, he called me to be a wife, mother of three children, and leader of two nonprofit organization: a clinic where he is using me to provide physical healing and a church where I serve as the senior pastor. No one is an accident, God brought you here for a time like this for a very specific reason. He wants reveal to you your purpose. Ask me and I will tell you remarkable secrets you do not know about things to come: Jeremiah 33:3.
Although God knew me when I was in my mother wound and had a purpose for my life, it took me several years to trusted him and allow him to mold me, change me into the wife, mother and leader that he called me. My walk with Christ had been amazing and challenging, at time. In the mixt of difficulties, I often wondered why is this happening to me? I made several mistakes I learned from some of my mistakes and I will be sharing some lessons.
Dear friends, it could be that you are also facing difficulties too heavy for you to carry. It could be that you have been abandoned, abuse, you lost a love one, or you were neglected. God wants to work whatever you are going through so that his name can be glorified. He doesn’t always change our circumstances, but he can work through your circumstances and bring something good out of it. I want to encourage you to trust Him. I would love to hear from your story.