Godly Marriage

God’s Blue Print for Marriage. Pour lire en français, cliquez ici.

One of the most challenging issues in the church is this idea that marriage involves a husband having authority OVER his wife.  I can’t tell you how many marriages have been harmed by this teaching and how often a marriage is reduced by teachings such as this.   Marriage is not a business or a corporation in which one person is leader over the other and decides what is best for another person.   In a Christian marriage, all individuals are equally created in God’s image. Consequently, they have equal worth, privilege, and opportunity in God’s Kingdom without reference to gender, ethnicity, or social status.[1]ith regard to marriage are to mutually submit to one another as unto the Lord (Ephesians 5: 20-24).

How Does Mutual Submission Work in a Marriage?

Mutual submission works by ridding ourselves of the fear that moving from a fixed imposed order of hierarchy will lead only to chaos, confusion, and disorder.[2]  Mutual submission is not structureless; it is not anarchy.  It is a negotiated, mutually agreed-upon order that allows for interchangeable roles and flexibility, one that is worked out to the satisfaction of all parties concerned. When disagreements occur, they can be worked out on the basis of true respect, empathy, and appreciation of the full human worth of each individual, along with shared values, and goals—qualities that cannot be ordered in a predetermined hierarchy imposed from outside.

In their book Together, Tim and Anne Evans describe the traffic light principle and how it can be used to decide in a mutually submissive relationship.[3] According to the traffic light principle, when it’s time to make a decision, the couple begins by individually praying and seeking the will of God. The couple invites God into the decision making and will not move until they have a green light which mean go. Tim and Anne Evans describe the red light as God is saying no and the yellow light when God is saying wait.

In a mutually submissive marriage, wives are considered equal partners with their husbands, capable of making decisions, collaborating, and using their God-given talents and gifting. None of this negates the kindness that is extended by holding open a door.[4]

The household and parenting are not neglected. It is the stance that both mothers and fathers are necessary in the lives of their children and that both parents are responsible for their home. How this plays out in terms of which parent works, where they work, and for how many hours is subjective to each family and how they feel led to bring forth the Kingdom as a family.

Dear friend, working toward a mutually marriage has been a journey for my husband and I. I want create a place we will share our story and be an encouragement and learn to each other.

 

[1] Alan F Johnson. “How I Changed My Mind about Women in Leadership.” (Place of Publication:  Zondervan, 2010.), 272.

 

[2] Letha Dawson Scanzoni, “Ordered Order—Conservative Christians’ Love Affair with Hierarchy,” Christian Feminism Today. 2013, accessed March 2016, https://eewc.com/Articles/conservative-christians-love-of-hierarchy/.

[3] Tim and Anne Evans, Together Reclaiming Co-Leadership in Marriage. (Place of Publication: AMK Creative, 2014), 11.

[4] Robin Rhine. “6 Things Equalitarian Marriage is Not.” The Junia Project. February 6, 2015, accessed April 22, 2016. http://juniaproject.com/6-things-egalitarian-marriage-is-not/.

 

God Design for Marriage

Pour lire en français, cliquez ici.

 I always longed for a home filled with love and respect, however being raised in a patriarchy culture was an hindrance to see my dream come true.  Growing from a patriarchal marriage to a Biblical marriage has been a journey that I want to share with you on this post.

In a patriachal relationship, women are taught to submit to their husbands and men are taught to be the heads of their homes as prescribed by Scripture. “Wives, be subject to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior” (Eph. 5:22-23).[1]  In my own experience and observation, this mindset is abused more often than not. I have witnessed countless scenarios in which men have to have the last word, and women who do not obey their husbands are often looked upon as being rebellious with a “Jezebel spirit.” Often men take advantage of teaching on hierarchy.

In Christian circles, patriarchy couples learned that a wife should obey her husband even if she feels that God is leading her in a way opposite to her husband’s command. Some interpret the scriptures as saying that a woman must ignore her ‘feelings’ about the will of God, and do what her husband says. She is to obey her husband as if he was God Himself.

Patriachal marriages have led to many abusive relationships. Often, wives are subjected to domineering men who have mismanaged the idea of being head of the family. Being intimidating is an ineffective strategy that can lead to stress, debate, and trouble in the relationship.[2] When seeking counseling, wives are told to try harder, to be more submissive, more caring, and more respectful. This is a good advice when there is reciprocity in the marriage. Otherwise, if repairs are not made, the marriage will soon become worse.[3]

My husband and I marriage became destructive because of our patriarchal culture. I was desperate; I wanted to experience what God intended for us. After several years of praying, reading my Bible, and crying out to God, a year ago, I found the freedom for which I had been longing and I am eager to share in my next post.

Dear friend, God created marriage to be a platform He can use to demonstrate His character. God wants to use your marriage to teach the world about His love, grace, and forgiveness. Unbelievers are supposed to see in believers’ marriages as a model of the relationship between Jesus and His Church. If you are ready this post and are struggling in your marriage, I want to encourage you to diligently seek God for healing and restoration. He is the same yesterday, today and forever. He wants to do for you what he did for me.

[1] All Scripture quotations, unless otherwise noted, are from the Revised Standard Version.

[2] Clark Solomon, “Head of Household,” Mybrotha, June 17, 2007, accessed March 2016. http://www.mybrotha.com/head-of-the-house.asp.

[3] Leslie Vernick. The Emotionally Destructive Marriage: How to Find Your Voice and Reclaim Your Hope (Colorado Springs, Colorado: Water Brook) 91, Kindle.

How I met Jesus

How I met Jesus

Pour lire en francais, cliquez ici

My upbringing was very religious. I attended a Protestant church in Yaounde, Cameroon. I was baptized at the age of 2 and confirmed when I was 14. I sang in the choir. However, church was a social club. I enjoyed the fellowship with my friends, but I never read the Bible or spent time in prayer. Whatever I learned in church had no impact on my life. I never understood the concept of a relationship with Jesus. After high school, I went to medical school in France. While I was in France, I attended a Pentecostal student organization but was not ready to surrender my life to Christ.

In 1992, I married my high school sweetheart. We came to the USA (Huntsville, Alabama) on our honeymoon and fell in love with it. We went back to France, packed, and moved to the states. Our goal was to finish our education, find a job, and make money. Eleven years into our time in the states, not only we were far from our goal, but we were deep in debt. I was stressed and broken, and I started wondering about my purpose.

On a Saturday afternoon, I had taken my children to piano lessons and met a lady who later became a friend. She invited me to church (First Assembly of God, Lansing, Michigan). My family and I immediately felt loved and accepted, and we decided to attend on a regular basis. One Sunday, I left the church knowing that something had happened inside of me. In my brokenness, in 2003, I came to receive Christ as my Lord and Savior.

The Bible says is Romans 10:13: Whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.

Salvation changed me. I found myself in love with the Word of God to the point that I brought my Bible to work to read in between taking care of patients. I began reading the Bible daily, and prayer filled my heart with the love, joy, and peace that I had been longing for. The Holy Spirit had opened my eyes to my purpose in life. Shortly after salvation, I was baptized in the Holy Spirit. The baptism in the Holy Spirit gave me a deeper love for Jesus and the lost.

It could be that, like me, you have been to church most of your life, but you feel broken and empty. You are hopeless and wondering about your purpose. I have a great news for you! Many people have asked the same questions. God told Jeremiah: “For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.”

God has a plan for your life. He created you for a reason.

God’s plan for your life begins with a relationship with Jesus Christ.

John 1:12: “But to all who believed him and accepted him, he gave the right to become children of God.”

As a Father, God will lead and guide you into whatever He has for you, because He loves you.

Dear friend, If you took the time to read this, it might be that you are seeking for answers to the deepest questions of your heart: “Why am I here? What is the meaning of my life? Am I valuable?” I’d love to visit with you and help you to find the peace and love that someone helped me to find so many years ago. Whatever your story, I look forward to hearing from you!

I called on Jesus several years ago and he changed me, he gave a new purpose. Through this blog, I want to share with you what God has done in my life and inspire to become a leader after his own heart,

My Birth

Pour lire en français, cliquez ici

“I knew you before I formed you in your mother’s womb. Before you were born I set you apart and appointed you as my prophet to the nations.”
Jeremiah 1:5.

     One of the fun part about being a mother is telling my children the story of their birth. Year after year, they want to know: how was the weather on the day they were born, at what time did I get to the hospital, what time was they born. Growing up, I often wondered why I was born in Metet, Cameroon (a small town 50 miles away from Yaounde) when all my siblings were born in Yaounde, Cameroon. Mystery was solved few years ago, at a Cameroon meeting association.

     In Yaounde which is the capital of Cameroon in Africa, there was only one hospital. The year I was born, babies born from that hospital were dying few hours after birth. A team of health care professionals came from the USA to Metet. When my mother went into labor; my father drove her to the missionary hospital and my life was saved.

     God told Jeremiah: I knew you before I formed you in your mother’s womb. Before you were born I set you apart and appointed you as my prophet to the nations. Jeremiah 1:5. Like Jeremiah, God knew me when I was in my mother wound and at the right time, he brought the missionary team to save my life. Then God reminded Jeremiah: For I know the plans I have for you,” says the LORD. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope: Jeremiah 29:11. God didn’t just save my life, He had purpose, he called me to be a wife, mother of three children, and leader of two nonprofit organization: a clinic where he is using me to provide physical healing and a church where I serve as the senior pastor. No one is an accident, God brought you here for a time like this for a very specific reason. He wants reveal to you your purpose. Ask me and I will tell you remarkable secrets you do not know about things to come: Jeremiah 33:3.

     Although God knew me when I was in my mother wound and had a purpose for my life, it took me several years to trusted him and allow him to mold me, change me into the wife, mother and leader that he called me. My walk with Christ had been amazing and challenging, at time. In the mixt of difficulties, I often wondered why is this happening to me? I made several mistakes I learned from some of my mistakes and I will be sharing some lessons.

     Dear friends, it could be that you are also facing difficulties too heavy for you to carry. It could be that you have been abandoned, abuse, you lost a love one, or you were neglected. God wants to work whatever you are going through so that his name can be glorified. He doesn’t always change our circumstances, but he can work through your circumstances and bring something good out of it. I want to encourage you to trust Him. I would love to hear from your story.