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 I always longed for a home filled with love and respect, however being raised in a patriarchy culture was an hindrance to see my dream come true.  Growing from a patriarchal marriage to a Biblical marriage has been a journey that I want to share with you on this post.

In a patriachal relationship, women are taught to submit to their husbands and men are taught to be the heads of their homes as prescribed by Scripture. “Wives, be subject to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior” (Eph. 5:22-23).[1]  In my own experience and observation, this mindset is abused more often than not. I have witnessed countless scenarios in which men have to have the last word, and women who do not obey their husbands are often looked upon as being rebellious with a “Jezebel spirit.” Often men take advantage of teaching on hierarchy.

In Christian circles, patriarchy couples learned that a wife should obey her husband even if she feels that God is leading her in a way opposite to her husband’s command. Some interpret the scriptures as saying that a woman must ignore her ‘feelings’ about the will of God, and do what her husband says. She is to obey her husband as if he was God Himself.

Patriachal marriages have led to many abusive relationships. Often, wives are subjected to domineering men who have mismanaged the idea of being head of the family. Being intimidating is an ineffective strategy that can lead to stress, debate, and trouble in the relationship.[2] When seeking counseling, wives are told to try harder, to be more submissive, more caring, and more respectful. This is a good advice when there is reciprocity in the marriage. Otherwise, if repairs are not made, the marriage will soon become worse.[3]

My husband and I marriage became destructive because of our patriarchal culture. I was desperate; I wanted to experience what God intended for us. After several years of praying, reading my Bible, and crying out to God, a year ago, I found the freedom for which I had been longing and I am eager to share in my next post.

Dear friend, God created marriage to be a platform He can use to demonstrate His character. God wants to use your marriage to teach the world about His love, grace, and forgiveness. Unbelievers are supposed to see in believers’ marriages as a model of the relationship between Jesus and His Church. If you are ready this post and are struggling in your marriage, I want to encourage you to diligently seek God for healing and restoration. He is the same yesterday, today and forever. He wants to do for you what he did for me.

[1] All Scripture quotations, unless otherwise noted, are from the Revised Standard Version.

[2] Clark Solomon, “Head of Household,” Mybrotha, June 17, 2007, accessed March 2016. http://www.mybrotha.com/head-of-the-house.asp.

[3] Leslie Vernick. The Emotionally Destructive Marriage: How to Find Your Voice and Reclaim Your Hope (Colorado Springs, Colorado: Water Brook) 91, Kindle.

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