God’s Blue Print for Marriage. Pour lire en français, cliquez ici.

One of the most challenging issues in the church is this idea that marriage involves a husband having authority OVER his wife.  I can’t tell you how many marriages have been harmed by this teaching and how often a marriage is reduced by teachings such as this.   Marriage is not a business or a corporation in which one person is leader over the other and decides what is best for another person.   In a Christian marriage, all individuals are equally created in God’s image. Consequently, they have equal worth, privilege, and opportunity in God’s Kingdom without reference to gender, ethnicity, or social status.[1]ith regard to marriage are to mutually submit to one another as unto the Lord (Ephesians 5: 20-24).

How Does Mutual Submission Work in a Marriage?

Mutual submission works by ridding ourselves of the fear that moving from a fixed imposed order of hierarchy will lead only to chaos, confusion, and disorder.[2]  Mutual submission is not structureless; it is not anarchy.  It is a negotiated, mutually agreed-upon order that allows for interchangeable roles and flexibility, one that is worked out to the satisfaction of all parties concerned. When disagreements occur, they can be worked out on the basis of true respect, empathy, and appreciation of the full human worth of each individual, along with shared values, and goals—qualities that cannot be ordered in a predetermined hierarchy imposed from outside.

In their book Together, Tim and Anne Evans describe the traffic light principle and how it can be used to decide in a mutually submissive relationship.[3] According to the traffic light principle, when it’s time to make a decision, the couple begins by individually praying and seeking the will of God. The couple invites God into the decision making and will not move until they have a green light which mean go. Tim and Anne Evans describe the red light as God is saying no and the yellow light when God is saying wait.

In a mutually submissive marriage, wives are considered equal partners with their husbands, capable of making decisions, collaborating, and using their God-given talents and gifting. None of this negates the kindness that is extended by holding open a door.[4]

The household and parenting are not neglected. It is the stance that both mothers and fathers are necessary in the lives of their children and that both parents are responsible for their home. How this plays out in terms of which parent works, where they work, and for how many hours is subjective to each family and how they feel led to bring forth the Kingdom as a family.

Dear friend, working toward a mutually marriage has been a journey for my husband and I. I want create a place we will share our story and be an encouragement and learn to each other.


[1] Alan F Johnson. “How I Changed My Mind about Women in Leadership.” (Place of Publication:  Zondervan, 2010.), 272.


[2] Letha Dawson Scanzoni, “Ordered Order—Conservative Christians’ Love Affair with Hierarchy,” Christian Feminism Today. 2013, accessed March 2016, https://eewc.com/Articles/conservative-christians-love-of-hierarchy/.

[3] Tim and Anne Evans, Together Reclaiming Co-Leadership in Marriage. (Place of Publication: AMK Creative, 2014), 11.

[4] Robin Rhine. “6 Things Equalitarian Marriage is Not.” The Junia Project. February 6, 2015, accessed April 22, 2016. http://juniaproject.com/6-things-egalitarian-marriage-is-not/.


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